We come into this world naked and screaming. We slowly learn how to talk and walk. As we grow up, we strive to be the best we can be—in school, in relationships and at work We work hard so we can drive a good car, buy nice clothes and live in a big house that we fill up with stuff—like collectibles, artwork, and furniture.
But time flies by and before you know it, your children are all grown up, your grandchildren are getting older and something has happened. As impossible as it may seem, you find yourself facing a limited time left on earth. You can run but you can’t hide—death is inevitable.
Life is full of joy and tragedy. Even though dying is a natural part of life, it’s never easy when you love the person whose time has come. While there’s nothing more tragic than the death of a child, the sadness that accompanies watching the illness and eventual death of a parent is devastating. I watched my dad lose his battle with cancer 10 years ago and some days the pain is still as fresh as an open wound. And as we approach the middle of our lives, the pain continues. I lost my “second” father John “Papa” Foley, followed by the tragic loss of my father-in-law, Frank. Now my mother-in-law Josie is next in line to leave us.
When we moved Frank and Josie from the home they lived in for 60 years, we helped them go through their belongings to decide what to bring to their new one bedroom apartment. Their important stuff, which included photos, musical instruments, books and some clothes, was neatly packed for the big move. Frank’s death robbed what little joy Josie had left in her world. Her decline towards death left her unable to do the things we worked so hard to learn as children—to walk or talk. Sadly, we recently packed one small suitcase of her belongings and took her to Keystone Hospice House in Philadelphia.
A lifetime in one suitcase. It made me cry. When she leaves us, she’ll take nothing*.
So what does this mean to you? Stop working so hard, sell your stuff and move to a beach in Costa Rica? Or does it help you look at life a little differently? With less emphasis on stuff and more emphasis on what really matters: the people in your life.
If you had to pack one suitcase tonight, what would you pack? Please share your stories of coping with these difficult life situations.
Stay Strong,
Molly
*Josie left us early in the morning on Father’s Day—what a wonderful gift for her husband, Frank.
Molly – such poignant words. Thank you for giving me such a good perspective. It is important to be reminded of you internal values. Love to you both – diane
Thanks Diane. Our lives are full of ups and downs, starts and stops. There is one constant that remains: those people in your life who help pull you back up. Without friends like you and Bruce and so many other who have been there for us, this last week would have been much harder. Thank you.
I love this Molly. I know about this too well. My Father died when I was 17, my best friend when we were 20 and my sister died abruptly in 2005. We found out she had cancer and 3 days later, she was gone. My sister’s death is still very fresh for me and Father’s Day reminded me of my dad who loved me unconditionally and who laughed all of the time. As crazy as life could be, he would always laugh and say, “that’s life!” And then he would do something so funny. Ahh…I miss him.
It’s so true that “stuff” is just “stuff” and it’s not the same as people and love that really fills us up the most and recharges our batteries. No appliance or nice car does the same as a hug or a simple ,”I love you.”
I miss my family and loved ones and become obsessed with “stuff” and having the newest gadget, nicer clothes, etc, but it never suffices.
I would trade most anything for the people I had in my life.
Thank you for writing this.
Oh Holly. That’s a lot of loss at a very young age. And losing your sister so quickly must have been devastating. I hope those great memories keep happiness in your heart…hope to see you soon.
What a timely and beautiful tribute to mom. Eventually everyone who has to take a long hard look at the “stuff” in their world and whittle it down to the essentials. My suitcase would contain a “towel” (an homage to DA), some clothes, pictures and a few good books. The only thing that would really be important though, is that my free hand was holding Molly’s.
Now you’re making me cry again. I’ll always have a free hand for you. I love you.
You guys are very lucky to have one another. You are in my thoughts. I am very sorry for your loss.
Thanks Biana. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t say (either to myself or out loud) how lucky we are. Appreciate the kind words…
Molly,
This post captures everything that I have been reflecting on after finding out about my mom’s illness. Thank you for putting things in perspective. It is so easy to get lost in “stuff,” but the only thing we take with us are memories and leave the world with something intangible – a feeling. A feeling of loss but also happiness for having been a part of it all.
I love you!
Biana
Biana: Your mom is strong and a fighter. She will be fine but the road will not be an easy one. Stay strong for her…she knows how much you love her. Sending lots of love.
Molly,
Thanks for the post. It is so timely and appropriate. I could not have said it better myself. My love and thoughts are with you and Frank…
Chris
Thanks Chris…it’s been a long week but we are doing good. Thank you.
Hey Molly,
You have me crying once again… Your words couldn’t be more true and what a life filled with wonderful memories she left behind for all of us. See you Friday 🙂
Jessica
Thanks Jess. It was so comforting to have you and Tyler there…you are both shining lights in every way…
Molly, I’m so sorry for your loss and Frank’s. You’re such a wonderful writer. Keep up the inspiring work!
Molly…I just read your heartwarming post while sitting here at my mother’s hospital bedside. It could not have been more timely. This vibrant, gregarious woman appears to be losing her battle with congestive heart failure and it breaks my heart to see her becoming more tired and weak with each passing day. However, she is wrapped in a quilt of love because of the closeness she has always had with her four children. We are all taking this journey with her and when she leaves, her suitcase will hold a lifetime of memories… and the same quilt of love she is wrapped in now. And I know Josie and Frank had those things in their suitcases, also.
Love to you and Frank…Kimball
Oh Kimball: When you read this, I hope you can feel the love I’m sending to you, your mom and your family.
I love your comment about the “quilt of love” and the suitcase filled with memories. I will hold onto that and use that vision as I think about your mom.
May you find great strength and your mom be comforted during this difficult time. Love you very much…
Molly
You and Frank always take care of your families and I might add friends. Your willingness to step in to help someone else out does not go unnoticed by those who really know you. Your blog was beautifully written
STUFF with memories attached to them.
That will be my New Years Resolution in 2050.
I,of course, had the privilege of knowing Frank and Josie. Now sit back and know that you did EVERYTHING
possible for them.
I am proud to be Mama to both you and Frank.
Thanks Mama. We love you very much…
How precious our lives are! Our hearts are open to you and Frank. We know how well you love and care for those around you! Josie may rest in peace because of how you both took care of her. Love, Dick and Tina
Thanks Tina. We miss you both very much…and hope to see you in Florida soon. Much love, Molly & Frank
Molly, I am so sorry for the loss you & Frank just suffered. I too, know all too well how precious life is. Just yesterday, my family joined me at my father’s grave to honor the anniversary of his death. Where would we be if our families weren’t there for us to lean on? I pride myself on getting the positive aspect of life…. But just now, reading your blog, I was blown away! To say that having her die on Father’s day was a gift….a gift to Frank’s dad! You are a truly amazing person with a gift of having the right perspective! Your article truly touched me today, I wish you & Frank all my love through this rough time….although I know you don’t need it because you have each other! Sincerely, Hilary
Thank you Hillary. How wonderful that you and your family gather together to honor the anniversary of his death. It’s a tradition we should all embrace. Thanks for you kind words…they mean a lot to me…and to Frank. Stay well and hope to see you very soon…
I finally sat down to read your blog. It was so beautifully written and so true. I cried all over again. Thank you for loving my parents in the short time you were able. Love you:)
Thanks Joanne. I wish I had known your mom before she got sick…but I’ve heard so many stories about her that I feel like I did know her. What a fighter and great mother she was…
Hi Molly,
Your words are so true and inspiring. I
can truly understand. I lost my Mom & Dad and so quickly within months of each other while I was pregant for my son. All of it still seems like a dream to this day and it was 12 years ago. Things really changed for me and how I looked at things and what was really important. We all get catch up in every day life and sometimes forget. It is so hard but it with the help of family, friends & loved ones that we make it thru.
Thinking about you.
Cousin Dawn
Thanks for sharing your story…and letting others know you CAN get through really difficult times even when it seems impossible at the time. Tragedy does change the way we look at our lives…so there is good that can come out of something bad…you just need to find it and pay attention to it. Thanks so much for your comment… Molly
Hi Molly
Frank and Josie were lucky to have known you for the short time they did and they are looking down so happy to see the love you and Frankie share.
Jesse is moving to Australia and I am watching him sell everything he owns. How liberating. He will leave with one suitcase… and his mother and sister’s love!
Miss you Molly. X X
Thanks so much Vicki. How exciting for Jesse even though I know the move will be bittersweet since you will miss him so much. Please send my love and best wishes… Molly
Beautifully written homage to people who lived long, lovely lives. Nice work. And selling everything and moving to Costa Rica isn’t such a bad idea. Maybe a Costa Rican necklace will end up in that one suitcase one day.
Thank you Janice. A Costa Rican necklace sounds like a great thing to have in your suitcase. Stay well. 🙂